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Post by Michelle Mackenzie (Admin) on Feb 12, 2011 23:21:18 GMT 1
The novel, 'Til death do us part, is being revised. I have changed it for the moment. Now, the novel starts with an arguement between a writer and her husband. The husband is possessive, obsessed and controlling. The husband creates a scene in the public library, and the wife is saved by a detective and several other men. The husband is dumped and he walks off in a bad mood.
The wife introduces herself to the detective. The next morning, the detective is called to a crime scene, and discovers that the husband is dead, and is forced to consider the wife as a suspect.
What do you all think? Better than the origional or should I have kept with the first synopsis?
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Post by Michelle Mackenzie (Admin) on Feb 18, 2011 13:12:07 GMT 1
Chapter One
Rebecca sighed as she glared at the blank screen of her laptop through gritted teeth and clenched fists. The woman was often seen wearing pale a skirt suit. She had icy blue eyes and a cold smile to go with her steel appearance. Her mobile phone began to ring. She answered her phone, whilst sipping at her bitter, sugarless, black coffee. "Hi, Jonny," Rebecca said.
"Where are you?" Jonny's deep voice demanded.
"Jonny, I told you where I was going. I'm working, that's all." "Where? Who are you with?" "You... you don't have to keep checking up on me," Rebecca said. "I'm at the library writing, just like I said." "Don't tell me you're still writing that romance drivel."
"No, Jon. I am not writing 'drivell'. I am writing a mystery novel. You'd know this if you had been paying attention for the last three weeks."
"Well," Jon retorted nastily, "If you had anything interesting to say for once, then maybe I could pay attention. Either way, get your ass home and leave the writing to the professional novelists."
"I am a professional writer- the sales are just a little slow. That's all- just slow."
"Slow? The sales haven't even started- no one has bought your books, so give it up!" There was a moment of silence between them, before he continued. He had got to her, and won. "Face it," he finished defiantly "no one cares."
Rebecca hung up the phone and slammed the mobile down on to the table beside her. She cleared her throat, trying to ignore the glares that she was recieving from the public. 'Great,' she thought bitterly. 'Once again, I look like a d**n fool.'
She began to type up her first opening paragraph for her novel. She reread and looked proudly at her work. Suddenly, a familiar deep voice yelled out her name. She cringed, and turned slowly to face behind her. Jonny walked over to her, his face turning a dark shade of red. "I told you to come home," he growled.
Rebecca cowered in front of him as he looked down at her in disgust, clenching his fists. "But, but I've not finished working. I only want to stay a while longer."
"No. You're not working, you're just enjoying a pointless hobby!"
Rebecca cringed, suddenly aware of people staring at them. "Jonny, please go home. You're causing a scene. Please, I won't wander off- I'll stay right here."
Jon stood six foot tall, his white thinning hair swept back to cover his balding scalp. He glared down at her like a piece of mud at the bottom of his shoes. He snarled at her in disgust. "Not without you." He grabbed her laptop and then grabbed hold of her arm with his free hand.
"Let go of me!" she yelped, snatching her arm free from his grasp.
A tall man stepped forward, "Leave the woman alone."
Another stepped forward, though he was shorter than the others. "Grab her like that in public again, I will personally rip you open like a knife through tissue, pour acid in your eyes, down your throat, and make you scream yourself hoarse until you beg me for forgiveness! Do you understand me?!"
There was a long, awkward pause as they glared at each other. The tension grew, making the air feel dense and uncomfortable. "I hope that's not a threat," he growled, raising his fist, silently threatening him.
Several men rushed over to her aid. "I believe this woman would like to be left alone to work. Now give her back her computer and jog on."
Jonny sneered at him, eyeing up the other men. "Let's get one thing straight," he growled angrily. "Don't tell me what I can and cant do. She's my wife, and I say she is coming with me, now."
A large man, his skin dark as the night and as tall as the doors, stepped forward. "I dont care if you're her brother, father or the freaking pope. You're going to leave her alone; with or without your legs."
There was a long suffercating pause. "Fine," the husband finally muttered. "I'm staying out for the night. So, don't wait up. I'll prob be back in the morning."
Rebecca glared at him. "How about you leave tonight, and then you dont come back. Tonight, Im packing your clothes. I want you gone!"
"Over my dead body," he retorted bitterly. He eyed up the group of men, and walked out of the library cafe, laughing as he exited through the glass doors.
She stepped back, swallowing hard. Tears welled up in her eyes. "Please- just leave me alone for once!" Rebecca looked back at the men, watching as they all went back to their families. Smiling slightly, she looked up at the large man. His bald head shone under the lamp lights. "Thank you for your help," she said greatfully.
The man nodded, "You're welcome."
"I'm Rebecca. What's you're name?"
The man smiled. "I know who you are. I've just bought your book." There was a breif pause. "My name is Alonso Gaston." He smiled, revealing his white teeth. "If the man gives you any more problems, let me know," he offered. "I'll bust his ass before he gets a chance to hurt you."
Rebecca nodded, "Thanks Alonso. I will definately take you up on you're offer." "What you do for a living?" she asked him, making conversation.
"I'm a detective with the police," he replied.
Rebecca raised an eye brow. "A detective? Which department?"
Alonso smiled, pulling back his coat. He revealed a badge, pinned to his trouser belt. "I work for the homicide department."
"Wow," she gasped. "That's amazing. Isn't that a coincidence? I'm writing a mystery novel."
She was about to explain her plot, when another voice called out her name. "Oh, now what?" she muttered. Rebecca turned around, and solemnly watched as her sister rushed in her direction.
"Becca, I just saw your husband storm out of here. Are you ok?"
Rebecca nodded. "Thank Louise. Im fine. This lovely gentleman here, and other men came to my aid." She began to hold her hand over her arm, covering a bruise that was beginning to show.
"You should really leave him. He might really hurt you next time."
"There won't be a next time," Rebecca smiled sadly. "I'm leaving him. And told him so."
"I bet he didn't take that too well. What'd he say?"
Rebecca nodded. "You're right. He said, 'Over my dead body'."
Louise frowned, her expression darkened as she scowled. "I see," she said boldly. "Lets just hope that he doesn't do anything stupid."
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